New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
