I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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