Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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