Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
