i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
