I hate all girls vehemently.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
