Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
