I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
