Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
