theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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