There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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