I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
