if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
