I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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