butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
