Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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