I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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