The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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