when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
