dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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