just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
