Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a beard to bite.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
