Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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