Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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