Dual....:-)
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
