i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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