I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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