perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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