Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
