When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
