There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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