So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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