There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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