When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
