she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
