my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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