Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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