Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
