I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
