Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
