hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
