Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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