I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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