What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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