i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm both gender and math confused
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