WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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