she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
