can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
