I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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