we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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