Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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