I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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