every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
