Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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