He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
