Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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