I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
