She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
