Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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