She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I came so hard my ears popped.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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