When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
