Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
