: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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