can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
