i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
