Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
