I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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